i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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