I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's blow job season.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
