You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
foreskin is a definite game changer
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
