I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
