If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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