So drunk its hurt
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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