Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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