it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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