I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
