i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you will always have a special place in my vag
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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