I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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