you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
