I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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