Four minutes until I can fart!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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