no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
