I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
