your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry my hands just texted you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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