Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
