We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
