Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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