that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
