I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
