I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
