pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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