I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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