The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
