i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
