in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
