so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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