this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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