I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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