hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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