I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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