Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As shirtless as possible
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
