I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
