Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
