Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
