There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize