the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
