his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
