you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I party with great urgency now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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