My balls are so social today.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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