think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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