Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
