I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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