your room smells of hookers.
And success
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
