I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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