Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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