in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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