She is in my trunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
