My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
