And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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