I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why do cheetos always look like penises
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?