i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag