Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.