That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.