if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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