Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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