He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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