I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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